fruit & the journey [4 years in cambodia]

(In the fall of last year, we crossed the 4 year marker & are now well into our 5th year in Cambodia.  I really wanted to share some reflections on crossing the 4-year mark & all the lessons we've learned, but somehow (or more likely, someone.... eh hem, ezra sparrow!) its taken awhile to collect my thoughts & now here we are, nearly 6 months later.  But I think the reflections are still relevant, so here are some thoughts on spending four years here.)

[4 years: 4 talstras: picture by savady photography]

We aren't changing the world & that just might be ok.  Maybe, very few people are called to change the whole wide world after all.

We're trying to make small changes in the lives of Cambodian returnees & Cambodian women.  & that work is not glamorous   For us, to use our talents here, means we can most often be found working behind the scenes at a desk, or in a meeting room somewhere working on strategic planning, in board meetings, dreaming up new ways to work & to connect with supporters.  it means we spend a lot of time writing to ask for funding (because Cambodians have the skills & the passion to change their communities, just not always the means), monitoring that funding, then reporting on that funding .  

Rinse.  Wash.  Repeat.

But even that small contribution is not a good measure.  Funders can be fickle   Projects can fail.  Staff you trust can betray.  

So maybe, in the end, success is measured in the process.  In the means, if not always in the ends.

Did I speak to that person with love?  Did we go about our daily tasks with joy?  Did we contribute to peace in our conduct?    Were we patient with that colleague?  Was our kindness evident to all?  Did we focus on the goodness of those around us?  Did our lives & how we worked testify to the faithfulness of God?  Did we remain gentle in the face of violence & injustice?  Self-controlled in all the moral brokenness around us?

[painting by christina of alepka arts]

Isaiah 58: 10-11 says that if we spend ourselves on behalf of the oppressed that we will be like well-watered springs.  We're still grappling (& often failing) with what it means to spend ourselves for others, especially now with 2 sweet little ones in tow. 

But somehow in His mercy, God has already given us the well-watered garden.  

Against even our own expectations, our little family has thrived here.  & so when I look back on 4 years in the Kingdom of Wonder, my overwhelming reflection is deep gratitude.  To the Lord, who has so faithfully guided us, protected us, & given us the garden.  & to you, our community, spread wide, who have watered us by supporting, encouraging, & even visiting us.

4 years in & many hard lessons later - we.are.so.blessed.

& as we look forward to 2 more years, please pray that we would live here with our eyes wide open & that we would see.  It is all too easy to walk/ride through this city, thinking of "to do" lists, whats for dinner, weekend plans, & in doing so, to miss the seeing.

Seeing the children digging through garbage, the recycling ladies carrying naked babies in their carts, the beggars, the real poverty, cruelty & squalor.  But also the LIFE, the smiles, the commitment for justice, the solidarity, & the kindness.

Please pray that our eyes would be wide, our hearts brave, & that despite the distractions, for us to

 Be.Here.Now.

worry & peace

we start our monthly mcc team meetings with a short devotion time.  this month was my turn to lead & i prepared to share about worry & peace & how even when we're not lying awake at night worrying about big things (like really bad things happening to people we love, plane crashes, economic collapses, etc) there are so many small worries, stresses, anxieties that can steal the joy & meaning of the present (fear of not getting everything done in a day that we need to, of not pleasing others, of not making the right decision, etc).

but in the moment, as we all rushed into the office on monday morning with a bustle of printing agendas, wrapping up language studying, & organizing our presentations for the meeting, it seemed like the right time to stop talking about relinquishing worry & accepting the peace of Christ & a time to sit in the silence & actually pray, reflect & receive it.   a few quiet minutes before a staff meeting was too short a time, but hey, you gotta start somewhere.

(re) reminded [easter 2011]

[happy picture for a serious post]

this year easter really snuck up on me. i didn't engage fully in the preparation period of lent & woke up feeling (almost) too tired to even go to the easter morning service (our house church usually meets in the evenings & an early riser, i am not). but in the end, i am so thankful we chose to go.

although our little family is doing well personally, the past few weeks have been really hard for our communities at work, with friends here in cambodia & with loved one scattered around the globe. our spirits have been feeling heavy & heartbroken.

& so, while going to church didn't change any of the broken situations surrounding us, & i was so thankful to be (re) reminded that

this, is not the end.

all of it, & all of us are being redeemed. redeemed by the same Spirit that raised Christ, that brings life to the dead.

 the tomb was, & forever will be, empty.

& that is actually the only things that offers Solace & Hope in this broken, beautiful, & pain-filled world.

He is Risen, indeed!

reminded [ashes]

[Photo by Sean Gardner/Getty Images from steps of justice lenten post]

wednesday marked the beginning of the season of lent. truthfully, with all the busyness of life with a new baby & guests & returning to work, i forgot all about it. & so today i am thankful to be part of a community that reminds me. maybe thats the real purpose behind church anyway, to be reminding each other of the hope we have in the death & resurrection of christ, because during different hours, days, & seasons of life we're all bound to forget sometimes.

ashes.

today we remember our mortality, and thus our utter need for and dependence on God. we remember that we are of dust and to dust we will return. we remember our sins and our need for the forgiveness and renewal that comes in Christ.

a Franciscan blessing for today: (from the Relentless Acts of Justice Lenten Series)

May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen

uganda [thoughts of faith + provision]

in the early part of the summer, i (amanda) had the great opportunity to spend a month in kampala, the capital city of uganda. i was there as part of my studies towards a masters degree in international development from eastern university.

[my amazing cohort + our disaster relief professor, francois]

although i didn't have many chances to venture out from the classroom, what i did manage to see was a beautiful country, full of boisterous people ("you are most welcome to uganda" was a popular greeting), bright clothing, eager smiles & delicious coffee. it was quite a contrast to cambodia, where people tend to be a bit more reserved, shy smiles are the standard greeting & the temperature is 20 degrees F hotter!

but the trip will always be tied with sadness in my memory. while i was in kampala, a terrible suicide bombing attack took the lives of 74 people, including aid worker nate henn who worked with invisible children, a group working to end the use of child soldiers in uganda. i was within 1/2 mile of the bombing & heard the bombs go off, although i thought they were fireworks at the time - how strange to be so close to such violence & yet so unaffected.

the experience gave me a lot to think about.

firstly, i was really thankful to be with a group of christians. we spent the next morning praying for the situation together & it was a reminder to me that we really are supposed to be praying without ceasing (1 thes 5:17), together as the Church & that i don't do that enough.

it was also a reminder that Satan really does prowl around like a roaring lion seeking destruction (1 peter 5:8), which doesn't mean i should be fearful, just that i should probably pray a whole lot more.

& finally it was reminder of something that i think i have been learning throughout these last two years in Cambodia (& that has really broken a lot of my theological presuppositions)

-- God doesn't promise us earthly safety & security & sustenance --

He promises us His presence & He sends the church into the world to provide earthly & spiritual sustenance & to work for justice & the oppressed (isaiah 58:6-10 & matthew 25:34-40), but those are signs of His kingdom that is here, but that is also not yet here & the "not yet here" part means that babies in cambodia will die simply from lack of proper food & babies in canada will have complicated breathing problems & even that i could be watching the world cup & be killed by a bomb.

i know that seems like a simple lesson, but when i draw from my own life & experiences, i see a God who always blesses & provides & so its hard to line that up when it seems like God doesn't always do that for others. but I know that God is so much bigger than my own experiences of Him & that i am called to be joyful & grateful for what I have, without ever thinking that God has promised me anything that I have, apart from His presence in the middle of the muddyness & messiness of life & death.

because in the end, God doesn't protect anyone from death, but He does offer us life that is greater.

& (aside from qualitative research, cross cultural studies, micro-finance, disaster relief & advocacy)

that's what i really learned in uganda .