we live in all we seek

snapshots [january]

2012-02-07T20:55:00.000+07:00

[twelve months = one year]

2012-02-04T21:19:00.000+07:00

[thanks jamie sue for the photo, amanda joan for the sweater, & kimmy for the bowtie]

hard to believe, but our little boy is one this month.

in the early months of being pregnant with cedar, i spent a month studying in uganda. while i was there i was feeling pretty sick, strangely exhausted, and overwhelmed as i looked ahead to see life in cambodia + grad school + full time work + a new baby in my future. during our chapel one morning, the spirit of God reassured me, saying that this baby i was carrying was a gift to us & not a burden. & those simple words were a huge encouragement to me at that time.

& as we look back on one year with this little guy, they still encourage us. true, he's not perfect, he doesn't sleep well & we end most days exhausted since he arrived, but still, this year has not been a burden, our little son has already lived up to his name, & has been a gift.

& we could not be more grateful for our sweet cedar james.

[oh yes, & now he walks!]

cozy christmas memories [2011]

2012-02-01T22:40:00.001+07:00

two weeks of winter wonder in ny + all hastings siblings + significant others + cedar's first christmas = a cozy christmas for the memory books!

porch party

2012-01-24T21:00:00.000+07:00

this is what injustice looks like [borei keila]

2012-01-09T14:45:00.000+07:00

[mok phaith, 65, cries as she searches through the remains of her home which was demolished by authorities in borei keila. photo by:heng chivoan, phnom penh post]

on january 3rd, policemen, guards, and employees of the development company phan imex destroyed the homes of over 300 people in the heart of phnom penh.

[bricks & debris are all that remain. photo by: mai vireak-phnom penh post]

the company plans to use the area for commercial deveoplement.

[former residents. photo by: Samrang Pring/Reuters]

read more about the eviction and the response of civil society groups here & here.

snapshots [december 2011]

2011-12-31T21:00:00.000+07:00

[11 months]

2011-12-20T21:00:00.000+07:00

[braving the NY winter - who dresses this poor kid?]

baby cedar (i've got to use that phrase as much as possible, because its close to not being applicable anymore) is growing & changing like crazy & its a real joy to be a front row observer. at 11 months, he's not walking yet, but has become a very fast crawler & enjoys toddling around holding onto couches, chairs, tables, people's legs, whatever he can find. he has 3 words that we can recognize and they are all khmer (cambodian) words so far. he says the baby forms of ch'gai (dog), p'gaa (flower), k'bal (head). he also knows the cambodian sounds for "don't do that", which sounds like eht eht. we know he knows that one, because he often says it to himself when he is doing something he is not supposed to do - he's a mischevious one, that's for sure.

at 11 months he has 4 teeth. we get a kick out of the top two, because his outer teeth are coming in before his middle ones, so he looks a bit like a vampire when he grins.

[vampire baby - pictures by jamie, more to come later]

he's a good eater & this month his favorites have been rice & his grandma mary's (who he visited this month, more on that later too) turkey soup. he's still not a very good sleeper, but makes up for it by being pretty happy & charming when he's awake. (& his momma makes up for it with lots of coffee)

when cedar was born, i thought there was nothing cuter and more fun than the tiny baby he was. but i was wrong. sitting in a cafe yesterday, i saw some new parents with their newborn & realized what a difference 10 short months makes. he's so much more fun than that little guy who could only sleep & cry. at 11 months, baby cedar is a complete delight & we couldn't be happier to be journeying with him.

[bonus picture: wearing uncle ben's hand-me-downs, 30 years later]

phnom penh + evictions + injustice

2011-12-19T21:23:00.000+07:00

a good short video news report about some of the eviction issues happening in phnom penh recently.

welcome to our world [naomi sky charity]

2011-12-17T07:55:00.002+07:00

Its so fun when our family gets bigger - welcome baby naomi!

we are thankful to God for your safe arrival & can't wait to meet you.

Returnee Integration Support Center [a peek into Daniel's work]

2011-12-11T21:51:00.000+07:00

here is re-post of a story that Daniel wrote for the MCC Cambodia blog about his work. To learn more about RISC and how you can support their work, visit their website at www.risccambodia.org

[RISC case worker, Mr. Sarith (on the left), meets with a returnee in Battambang Province, Cambodia]

Returnee Integration Support Center
Posted on December 8, 2011 by MCC Cambodia

The worst of the Khmer Rouge and Cambodia’s civil war ended more than 35 years ago. But, the impact of this catastrophe has left fissure lines that continue to stretch out to today. One such line runs from Cambodia, through Thailand, to the USA, and back to Cambodia, where the repercussions continue to be felt.

During the Khmer Rouge-era, Thai refugee camps were filled with Cambodian adults and children fleeing violence and starvation. During the 1980s, the American government responded to this crisis by accepting nearly 200,000 Cambodian refugees.

While the genocide and hunger was safely behind them, for many members of the Cambodian American refugee community, the struggle was not over. Rural Cambodian farmers, often with limited English abilities, were now forced to learn how to live in American cities. With limited options, many of the refugee children learned from – and assimilated into – the local culture of America’s inner cities. Unfortunately, some of these children (now young adults), found their way into the US criminal justice system, serving time for crimes committed.

But the story doesn’t end here. Although these individuals were legally admitted as refugees, and many of them spent almost their entire youth growing up in the US (some having been born in Thai refugee camps shortly before immigration), they were not automatically considered US citizens.

In the 1990′s, US immigration law changed: Now, all non-US citizens with felony convictions would be deported. In the early 2000s, Cambodia began to accept deportations and the removals began. The law is retroactive, applies after serving time in jail – no matter how long ago – and gives no room for judicial review, or consideration of current contributions to society.

The result has been tragic. Families are torn apart, bread-winners taken from their jobs, and returnees (some with mental disabilities) are placed in a country where they often lack the necessary cultural or language knowledge to survive – a second traumatic relocation. Since 2002, nearly 300 individuals have been deported to Cambodia, with thousands more expected. They can never return to the US.

In response, a local organization has been established, called the Returnee Integration Support Center (RISC). RISC provides cultural orientation, temporary housing, job assistance, legal monitoring, emergency medical support and – most importantly – a center where the returnee community can gather together, in addition to receiving many other forms of support.

For the last 5 years, MCC Cambodia has partnered with RISC. We provide funding and advisor support, assist the organization with capacity building, fundraising, and organizational development, and have posted members on its Board of Directors. This has been been one of MCC Cambodia’s most important partnerships: helping to meet a need that falls outside of classic development sectors (HIV/AIDS, gender, environment, etc.), and helping to support and empower a unique and vulnerable community that would otherwise fall through the cracks. To learn more about RISC, visit their website at www.risccambodia.org.

Studio Revolt has produced a powerful short film featuring exiled Cambodian-Americans. View the movie here

.

gratitude [go blues!]

2011-12-10T21:58:00.000+07:00

[thanks aunt hannah for my first hockey jersey.

i always thought i'd be a sabers fan, but it turns out that i cheer for the blues - shhh don't tell my uncles.]

& so it goes. [turning 30]

2011-12-10T21:00:00.000+07:00

turns out that turning 30 isn't so bad when you get to spend the evening celebrating on a boat along the mighty mekong dancing with beautiful friend to the sounds of phnom penh's best bluegrass band*.

& noticing a lunar eclipse during the bluegrass version of tiny dancer only makes it that much sweeter.

* this may be a biased proclamation, but i sure get a kick out of the grass snake union band. watch all six of them (plue one small child) playing in a tuk tuk driving around the city here with the tuk tuk sessions (one song. one take. one tuk tuk) .

** and thanks to steve chee for the beautiful moonlit photos

snapshots [november 2011]

2011-12-08T21:22:00.000+07:00

gratitude [ben & lindsay]

2011-12-06T21:29:00.000+07:00

[thanks uncle ben & auntie lindsay for the sweetest & cuddliest veggies!]

[10 months]

2011-12-03T11:45:00.001+07:00

at 10 months, baby cedar has taken movement to the next level; he pretty much cannot stay still for longer than 1 second. he's got crawling totally down & zips all around the house, happy to follow behind whatever adult is around at the moment. he pulls himself up on absolutely everything & enjoys cruising around that way too. his cutest new trick is that he's learned how to groove to a beat - current favorite albums are baby beluga, & his half-pint harmoney lullabies. he is also the proud new owner of 2 teeth & loves playing with cell phones more than any of his toys.

[pinkie up is really the only civilized way to eat a phone]

but his biggest accomplishment this month has been the debut of his first word. he now proudly says "gai, gai", whenever he sees a dog or hears a bark (which, if you've ever talked to us on the phone you know is ALL the time). it comes from the cambodian word for dog - ch'gai. (his pronunciation is great, i just knew it was only a matter of time before his cambodian language skills began to overtake ours. i've been trying to say that word for 3 years & still can't get it quite right!)

he's also became quite dramatic (see below). he is not a quiet, sweet little guy anymore. no, he is really, really LOUD (& ok, still sweet). whether its just babbling to himself, telling ming kohm a story, or actually trying to get our attention, this little guy has learned how to make his presence known.

[expressing himself after he crawled so happily & quickly towards mama's camera & then wasn't allowed to play with it.]

on knowing another culture [3 years in cambodia]

2011-11-03T23:13:00.000+07:00

somewhere along the way, i wrote this quote in my journal under the heading

"on knowing another culture"

When you've been in a place for two weeks you feel you can write a book,

once you've been there for a few months you're happy if you can get a few coherent paragraphs together

and after you've been there for many years you're not sure if you can write anything at all.*

this season has been a time of reflection for us, as we've had a break between travels & have also been intentionally trying to carve out more time for rest in our lives.

as we've come our three-year marker (really? already?) we've been processing a lot. when we left home, it felt like our 3-year commitment was large & looming & that we would come away from the experience so changed, so different, having learned so much about what it means to go, to follow, to serve, to be among the poor.

well.... yes & no. our time here has passed in the blink of an eye, life here has been much easier than we expected - filled with such joy, friendships & travel. but also harder too as we've had to un-learn a lot of the things, beliefs, assumptions, cultural certitudes we thought we knew, & we thought were solid docking points & that sort of education can be quite unsettling.

so, while clarity will likely always elude us as we encounter life in all its complexity, what have we learned after 3 years here in Cambodia?

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

that a masters degree in development doesn't mean you know to respond to a child begging you for food. that we are not the ones we've been waiting for.

that Joy comes with the morning.

that here & there & everywhere, beauty & brokenness cannot be un-twined. that genocide, atrocity, violence is not a sudden, distinct evil - its your childhood friend wielding a farming tool & following orders, too afraid to disobey, to risk the consequences. its us too afraid to speak out & challenge oppression, to risk the consequences.

that we all, all, all need mercy & grace.

that even when we don our best results-based-management-theory, the outcomes are hard to measure. that maybe transformation can't be written into a logframe. that the process is the development.

that faith is the substance of things hoped for & the evidence of things unseen.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

however, one thing we do know for certain is how unbelievably supported we have felt these past three years. we have been grounded & blessed by our rock solid communities both at home & our new community here. thank you for all of your support, encouragement & prayers; our cup has & continues to, overflow.

*i'm not sure where this quote comes from & google is no help - sorry to whoever first said this!
** a disclaimer - actually the bulk of our work takes place in an office, but those pictures are not interesting, so i'm posting the field visit ones!

snapshots [october 2011]

2011-10-31T22:35:00.000+07:00

[9 months]

2011-10-29T23:14:00.001+07:00

cedar james seems less & less like a baby by the day. at 9 months his personality is really coming out (mischevious & jolly, i'd say). the bottom's of his feet are no longer baby smooth & this little guy is on the move. his recent check-up stats came in at 80th percentile for height, 30th for weight, & 90th for head size. on paper that adds up to an odd looking baby, but luckily for cedar it adds up to continued cuteness.

cedar's acquired some new skills this month (loyal fans, i.e. grandparents, see video here) & also added in some new stranger anxiety along the way as well. (we're hoping thats just a phase!) the quirky guy doesn't seem to mind cambodian strangers holding him, but has been crying at other foreigners lately.

he's been eating lots of rice & vegetables & is proud of his lone tooth. we're happy for him to stay mostly toothless for now, because we still can't get enough of his wide, toothless grins!

we'd like to hit pause for awhile, because we can't really get enough of this sweet little 9-month old.

*photos by our great friend & wonderful photographer steve chee

reunion in a russian tourist trap [phuket]

2011-10-21T21:47:00.000+07:00

the hastings family reunion really kicked into full swing when we all (blaine, lindsay, daniel, cedar & i) met up with our brother ben & his girlfriend lindsay in bangkok. we had found a great deal on a trip to phuket, so we headed to the beach!

we had NO idea what we were getting into. i think i thought that phuket would be like our beloved kep, but just bigger & with more hotels.

not even close.

phuket was tourist-filled beyond anything we'd seen in southeast asia. despite the tourist trap vibe, we had a good time relaxing at our hotel (which turned out to be completely full of russians, even the menu & signs were in russian!) & taking a really amazing boat trip out to phi phi island. turns out phuket is popular for a reason; its beaches & islands are fantastically bright & beautiful & even a boat full of feisty russians couldn't ruin that.

& I'll meet you at the station [night train from laos]

2011-10-19T19:54:00.000+07:00

[my favorite train photo - cedar & his buddy sophia]

our travels with blaine & lindsay took us on an overnight train from vientiane, laos to bangkok, thailand with our entire MCC team.
it was 12-hours, but we actually really enjoyed it!

our seats had fold down tables where we could eat & play games & after that they folded down into bunk beds! when it got dark a nice train worker came & made up our beds with sheets & blankets & we all snuggled up for a night of sleeping to the soothing sounds of the rolling train.

gratitude [elle's parcel of sweetness & light]

2011-10-09T11:34:00.000+07:00

ever since this parcel arrived, it seems like the phrase "thanks, my friend michelle sent it to me" has been a constant refrain around here.

thanks, elle, for the parcel filled to the brim with sweetness & love & for keeping our whole family attired with style & charm!

snapshots [september 2011]

2011-10-06T21:54:00.000+07:00

seasons [3]

2011-10-04T21:23:00.000+07:00

turns out mohawks run in the family.

we heart it because we made it [cloth high chair]

2011-09-25T21:00:00.000+07:00

having baby cedar has changed our lives in a very lot of ways, but actually one of the changes we notice the most is how it has changed the way we move around the city. in our pre-cedar days, we traveled very happily to & fro on our little 100 cc moto (what they are called here, i think its the french word for motor scooter).

[the "you" sign was for a project - this was the only picture i could find of us on our moto!]

since we have seen several moto accidents involving babies, we figured we'd wait awhile before our family moto riding begins. so, in the meantime, we've taken to traveling around by tuk tuk. which is basically a little carriage carried behind a moto

now, a tuk tuk feels pretty luxurious compared to a moto, but its still no piece of cake trying to transport ourselves & cedar & all his baby accouterments (really, who knew how much stuff one little baby can use!). which brings me to our current dilemma - how to eat out (a real cultural pastime here since its often the same price as cooking at home....& doesn't heat up your house & is easier too!) with cedar. in the past we just took him & set him on the table or on a blanket on the floor (plus the restaurant staff often take turns holding him anyway which is always great!). but now our little guy can move a lot & basically needs a place to be restrained. since high chairs at restaurants aren't very common here, when we go out, we have to take along some sort of chair or umbrella stroller, which is a pain, particularly when traveling alone in a tuk tuk or by bus, which is how we travel whenever we leave phnom penh. dilemma.

so! i was excited to find the perfect solution while we were in kampot a few months ago. a family there had this cool high chair thing that was made out of cloth & could fold up to be really small. now, with the solution to our troubles in mind, i searched high & low on google for "cloth high chair patterns", but couldn't find any in the totseat style. thankfully, daniel (who is a much, much better sewer than i) was able to make a pattern based on some pictures we took of the baby in kampot & now we have our very own homemade version! (if you want a copy of the pattern, just email me)

so far, baby cedar seems to like it.

we're off for a week in hanoi tomorrow, which will be the true test. daniel made a sweet little carrying case too, so it sure was easy to pack!

gratitude [two crafty grandmas]

2011-09-23T20:58:00.000+07:00

thanks to my two grandmas for such handmade goodness

[thanks oma for the coolest cross-stitched wall hanging

& thanks grandma for the sweetest leaf shirt]

[8 months]

2011-09-21T21:16:00.000+07:00

[8 months & the old man grin is back!]

baby cedar continues to grow & change at breakneck speed & we actually can't believe he is 8 months old already. this is the month he became truly mobile & now alternates between scootching, crawling & wiggling his way through his days. his new nickname is "cedar the curious cat" because he wants to look & touch & explore everything & everyone. gone are the days of chilling calmly on a blanket, this little baby is on the move. thankfully we have a bit more energy to chase after him these days now that he's gone back to sleeping through the night - hooray!

in some ways, it seems like baby cedar has always been with us & in other ways it seems we're just now realizing that baby cedar is always with us - we're not just babysitting, soon to return to our normal life. this smiley little guy & all the changes he's brought with him (most notably the lack of sleep & the realization that our schedules are no longer just about us) are here to stay!

overheard

2011-09-18T22:48:00.000+07:00

daniel: (waking up in the middle of the night): see, i knew it!
amanda: um, you knew what?
daniel: i knew the tiger would win.

gratitude [cris]

2011-09-17T22:27:00.001+07:00

thanks auntie cris for the beautiful nikki mcclure book.
(i think its fair to say i'm a lifelong fan!)
i'm learning all about what farmer's markets are like in north america. so far my favorite page is the one with all the red apples.

laos [luscious & lovely luang prabong]

2011-09-15T21:46:00.000+07:00

its hard to know where to begin when describing our trip to laos. it was such a beautiful, lush, welcoming country & we loved our time there.

[daniel & baby cedar checking out our descent into laos]

from siem reap, blaine, lindsay, daniel, cedar & i took a flight that dropped us off in northern laos, in a town called luang prabang. we were en route to an mcc regional retreat so we joined up with several mcc friends there.

[laotian temple buddhas]

luang prabang is officially one of my favorite place ever (perhaps vying with ubud in bali for tops). the whole town is a unesco heritage site & with good reason. the town is a great mix of charming, vibrant, & exotic all set along the picturesque banks of the mekong & lush mountain valleys. highlights included a trip to a waterfall, a boatride on the mekong, great times with friends & family, & the really delicious laotion food. (its much spicier than cambodian food, which was a fun change.)

*pictures by a combination of hastings, talstras, & fowlers

a note to travellors: don't be tempted by the $1 street food buffet, even after 3 years of living in cambodia, it knocked both daniel & i out with gusto!

blaine & lindsay in cambodia

2011-09-13T20:58:00.000+07:00

in july & august we were lucky enough to host two of my (amanda's) brothers & their lindsays (yes, they have the same name).

first to arrive on the scene were blaine & lindsay! we hadn't seen them since their wedding exactly a year ago, so it was great to catch up, hear about their new life in colorado, introduce them to their nephew & show them our life here in cambodia.

we had some laid back days in phnom penh - recovering from jet lag on our porch, playing with cedar, & eating fried tarantulas (eek).

after a few days in phnom penh, we headed to siem reap to explore angkor wat. we'd been there before, but it really never ceases to be awe-inducing in its sheer epicness & this time, we had a really good tour guide to boot! (seen in the umbrella shot below, explaining something very meaningful to lindsay)

after angkor wat we headed to laong prabong & vientiane in laos & phuket in thailand, but more on that later.

*pictures taken by a combination of hastings & talstras

worry & peace

2011-09-12T20:28:00.001+07:00

we start our monthly mcc team meetings with a short devotion time. this month was my turn to lead & i prepared to share about worry & peace & how even when we're not lying awake at night worrying about big things (like really bad things happening to people we love, plane crashes, economic collapses, etc) there are so many small worries, stresses, anxieties that can steal the joy & meaning of the present (fear of not getting everything done in a day that we need to, of not pleasing others, of not making the right decision, etc).

but in the moment, as we all rushed into the office on monday morning with a bustle of printing agendas, wrapping up language studying, & organizing our presentations for the meeting, it seemed like the right time to stop talking about relinquishing worry & accepting the peace of Christ & a time to sit in the silence & actually pray, reflect & receive it. a few quiet minutes before a staff meeting was too short a time, but hey, you gotta start somewhere.

gratitude [tiger toes]

2011-09-08T21:48:00.000+07:00

[thanks courtney & joe for the loveliest of baby blankets
& aunt tracy for the sweetest tiger toed pajamas]

snapshots [august 2011]

2011-09-05T21:00:00.000+07:00

picture of the day [kampong cham bath]

2011-09-03T17:03:00.000+07:00

recently cedar & i (amanda) traveled to a rural part of kampong cham province to observe a women & children's righs training that MCC supports. during the lunch break the mings (aunties) thought cedar needed a bath & i couldn't resist snapping a photo.

[7 months]

2011-08-20T22:25:00.000+07:00

at seven months, baby cedar is getting more fun by the day. we keep saying to ourselves, "he's so much more like a real boy now". it was a busy month for cedar - he hung out with two sets of uncles & aunties & slept in eight different beds (including a train sleeper car!) as he traveled around to laos, thailand & siem reap (twice!). he also rode on six buses, five airplanes & sailed on three different boats (one on the mekong, one on a laotian resivour, & one in the gulf of thailand)

but more on the adventures later....

this month cedar's been experimenting with making noises & funny faces, eating real food, & spending most of his time practicing his new sitting, standing & scootching skills, being tossed around by his dad & grinning at ming kohm.

he debuted an utterly fabulous old-man-grin which he flashed like crazy for two weeks & then promptly stopped all together. it was great while it lasted.

[displaying his new standing/sitting skills]

he still hates the thought of going to sleep by himself in his own bed & as you might imagine, two weeks of backpacking around se asia with his parents & aunts & uncles didn't help much. but now that we are home, our sleep training resolve has been strengthened & we'll keep working on that one. here's to hoping that the next update will tell a tale of a happily-sleeping-through-the-night-baby & his well rested parents!

gratitude [chris & liz]

2011-08-19T21:03:00.000+07:00

[thanks liz & chris for the awesome bath duckie & handmade bean bags!]

gratitude [mike & marty]

2011-08-13T09:13:00.000+07:00

thanks aunt marty & uncle mike for the cutest homemade booties!

snapshots [july 2011]

2011-07-31T21:36:00.000+07:00

& all your 2,000 parts

2011-07-30T22:07:00.001+07:00

& all your 2,000 parts. *

* copyright lever 2,000

seasons [2]

2011-07-28T21:39:00.002+07:00

[6 months]

2011-07-23T21:27:00.001+07:00

[6 months]

well, we blinked & another month flew by. at 6 months baby cedar is still quite the charmer, spending most of his time smiling, kicking his feet, taking baths to stay cool & looking around for friends to give him some attention (not usually a problem for a very white, red-headed baby living in cambodia). he still does not like going to sleep at night & likes to make sure that all our neighbors can hear his sleep protests as well. (our "sleep training" attempts prompted my landlord to ask me why foreigners like to make their babies cry!)

this month was a month of many firsts for baby c. including - his first ride in a stroller (don't tell him pink is for girls!), his first food, his first belly laughs (seen here) & the introduction of a new, closed-mouth-yet-still-wide grin.

he makes us so very happy!

gratitude [duck, duck, moose]

2011-07-20T21:15:00.002+07:00

[thanks auntie lindsay & uncle blaine for the colorado moose-themed onesie!]

a visit from christopher

2011-07-16T22:01:00.000+07:00

2011 is shaping up to be another good year for visitors!

in july daniel's roommate from university, chris, happened to land a short contract here, so we got to host him for nearly two weeks.

its was a good visit, fun to reminisce about the past, but also fun to hear more about chris' globetrotting & swap perspectives on our shared work in the humanitarian sector. we also managed to squeeze in some tasty squid & amok curry eating, some spirit house hunting & a raw silk purchase or two.

we're hopeful that this is just the beginning of chris' work in asia & we're holding him to his promise that the next time he's in cambodia, he'll bring his other half too! [we missed you, elizabeth!]

gratitude [owl + onesie]

2011-07-15T21:07:00.001+07:00

[thanks suj'n for the coolest onesie & the gieses for the cute owl toy]

snapshots [june 2011]

2011-06-30T21:00:00.001+07:00

he dreams of moss & cedar trees

2011-06-26T22:21:00.000+07:00

[a little cedar tree among the moss]

kampot music festival

2011-06-26T09:05:00.000+07:00

daniel has recently started playing fiddle in a bluegrass band here in phnom penh.

its been a lot of fun for him & has given us some really fun oppurtunities to travel around cambodia & meet a new crowd of people (his band mates are spanish, irish, australian & american). in june they played at the kampot music festival, so cedar & i tagged along. kampot is a really lovely riverside town about 4 hours from phnom penh & we enjoyed hanging out there for a weekend at Les Manguiers (the mango fields) along the riverbank.

we got to enjoy some of the music, but with our little early riser with us, we never stayed up past 10:30pm to see the late night bands. turns out that music festivals with a baby is a whole different ballgame!

[five months]

2011-06-20T18:31:00.000+07:00

[picture by daphne]

well, at 5 months, baby cedar is continuing on his sweet baby trajectory. he is still a pretty happy camper punctuated with bouts of unhappiness, usually related to sleep. he's mastered sleeping through the night, but hasn't yet discovered the bliss of sleeping past 6:30am, sigh.

he's full of smiles these days, but saves his sweetest laughs & smiles for his two best friends, sophie the giraffe & ming kohm.

Women Peacemakers & the MCC Blog

2011-06-17T08:55:00.006+07:00

Our office has just started a new blog all about MCC's work in Cambodia. You can check it out here.

A few days ago I (amanda) posted a story about the work about Women Peacemakers (WPM), one of the organizations I work with here. Here is a re-post of that blog post.

(but you should still totally check out the real blog! www.cambodiamcc.wordpress.com)

Women Peacemakers

Posted on June 15, 2011

According to Mr. Khay Yon, before he started attending workshops with Women Peacemakers (WPM), his family was in serious trouble. “I was a violent person, I used to drink alcohol every day. After I drank, I would beat my wife…. I was a cruel person. Sometimes I wouldn’t allow my children to go to school and I quarreled with my family very often.”

Mr. Yon is from a remote, rural village in Kampong Cham province in eastern Cambodia. In 2007, WPM began working in Mr. Yon’s commune hosting trainings on Women and Children’s Rights and Conflict Management. Mr. Khay Yon attended the Women and Children’s Rights workshop and his attitudes and behaviors were transformed. When asked about the impact of the training, Mr. Yon responded that “After the WPM workshops I recognized that my bad behavior was affecting my family’s health and emotional wellbeing, as well as harming my children’s growth and their futures. I decided to change my behavior and now allow my children to go to school and use more peaceful ways of communication with my wife, children, and community to avoid conflict and violence.”

WPM works to empower rural communities to reduce violence and protect the rights of women and children. They are working towards a vision of a Cambodian society that is charactierized by peace and justice where all are accepting of one another and lead lives of integrity.

As it works towards these aims, WPM hosts trainings in rural areas focusing on Women and Children’s Rights and Community Conflict Management. Participants from these trainings then organize into community network groups to serve as a resource to help resolve conflicts in their own communities.

In addition, WPM hosts trainings for university students in the capital city of Phnom Penh. These trainings focus on Cambodia’s criminal and civil law, specifically relating to gender issues, marriage, divorce, domestic violence, sexual violence, and human trafficking. The university students are then empowered to host workshops at high schools in the provinces surrounding Phnom Penh to transfer their knowledge.

WPM also hosts celebration events in rural Cambodia commemorating holidays such as Human Rights Day, International Peace Day, and International Women’s Day.

MCC has been partnering with WPM since they 2003 when they first became a registered NGO. MCC provides financial funding as well as advisor support.

love & war & the sea in-between

2011-06-15T07:00:00.000+07:00

our dear friends, michelle & josh garrels have just released this beautiful album & in a generous jubilee celebration are giving it away absolutely free!

(click on the album image to head to josh's website for the free download - starting june 15th)

its called love & war & the sea in-between and [amanda's short review] its one of the most deeply hopeful, beautiful & spiritual albums i've heard in a long time. it's been the soundtrack to our lives the past little while the rainy season rolled in, baby cedar learned to roll over & we continue to process how to live here & what it means to be in the midst of an entire population that is grappling with the aftermath of real war & the concepts of love in a post-conflict context & what solidarity & hope means for that sea in-between.

my favorite songs are white owl, flood waters, farther along, and bread & wine.

now, daniel's longer review:

Good things, good things are all that can be said about this album, which I'm choosing to refer to as studio-folk. Its a perfect marriage of fully-utilized yet tactfully employed production value with Josh's now classic golden vocals and ice-on-the-river-melting-in-spring harmonies. I guess an interesting thing about this album is how such a diverse range of musical influences is pulled together into an album that definitely works as a continuous single unit. And at 18 tracks, that's no easy feat. I might venture to say that some of the best clarinet work I've ever heard appears on this album. (I'll elaborate. On "a far off hope"there's this repeating two note ascending half step clarinet phrase, or maybe its an alto sax or something, that just hangs there over this hip-hop rhythm. Its the third note that its withholding that really completes the phrase, and in its absence makes the whole track really rock). This sort of fun is found all over the album.

There's depth to this album that makes repeated listens particularly rewarding. It is to the ears what a nice dark bread is to the stomach. Lets say it gives you what you might expect, but does it very, very well.

snapshots [may 2011]

2011-05-30T23:27:00.000+07:00

[four months]

2011-05-30T09:23:00.008+07:00

at 4 months baby cedar seems so much more like a real boy. he's bigger & much more cuddly now. he has a sweet & contented disposition, usually happy as a clam to sit or lay & play with his tag blankets or stare at a fan & flash huge smiles at anyone who gives him any attention.

he's not always happy, however. he fights sleep like a champ & is very offended by the imposition of naptimes & bedtimes. we're still working on that one.

this month baby cedar left the land of his birth to visit the land of his citizenship! (more on that later, you can see a preview of our time in bellingham here) while we were home, one of my oldest & dearest friends, jamie, took these beautiful pictures. you can see more of her cedar shots here & more of her photography at backporch creative (www.backporch-creative.com)

[cedar + auntie jamie]

six

2011-05-29T19:45:00.000+07:00

then.

now.

[thanks be to God!]

beautiful bellingham [visit home part 5]

2011-05-22T09:36:00.000+07:00

on our way back to asia, cedar & i were so blessed to have a 4-day layover in seattle. our brother & sister-in-law & neice live two hours north of seattle so we got to have a wonderfully plesant visit with people i love so much, in a city i really love too. it also just happened that daniel's mom & dad were visiting from terrace (18 hours north!) while we were there, so cedar got to meet his opa for the first time & got to see his oma again who he hadn't seen since she left cambodia when he was 2 weeks old. akuun preh-a ung again & again!

we have so many lovely memories & pictures from the visit - here are some of the highlights.

[cedar with oma & opa]

[a day at the park in beautiful bellingham]

[just hanging out in sunny bellingham]

[showing auntie christina how to eat tasty mango sticky rice dessert]

[cedar meets his cousin - autumn jude & they become fast friends & even wear matching elephant t-shirts for the occasion]

[i think this picture is hilarious if you think of them jumping off of something & then falling through the air holding hands]

jamers [visit home part 4]

2011-05-18T21:13:00.000+07:00

another treat during my trip home was the day i spent with my very dear friend jamie. jamie & i met when we were freshmen in high school & have been the best of friends ever since. we've been through a lot together & i was so excited to introduce cedar to his auntie jamie. jamie is a really amazing photographer (see her stuff here) & took some beautiful photos of cedar, but we also managed to get some good ones of the two of us as well.

after our photo shoot, we headed off for a day of treats & target! we took cedar along so he could experience his first strarbucks & panara bread. as you can see, he was thrilled.

graduated [visit home part 3]

2011-05-14T21:29:00.000+07:00

one of the most memorable parts of my [amanda's] trip home in may was the chance to attend my graduate school graduation in pennslyvania.

for the past two years i have been studying international development through a residency-based program out of eastern university. the program is geared towards people already working in humanitarian/development in the field, so my classmates were spread all around the globe (ghana, jordan, south africa, swaziland, guatemala, mozambique & the usa). thankfully we got to spend nearly a month together in stellenbosch, south africa in 2009 & another almost month together in kampala, uganda in 2010.

i learned a lot from my classes about the technical & theoretical side of humanitarian work, but i consider myself really blessed to have learned from the personal stories and experiences of my professors and my dear, dear classmates. they are people who realize that they cannot look at a world full of poverty, suffering & hopelessness & do nothing. the way their faith has infused their lives & their work & the beauty, passion & sacrifice they've all displayed while working with people who are poor and marginalized taught me a whole lot more than my textbooks (sorry, todaro & your gini coefficients!) somehow our intense times together in residencies, our online interactions & the grace of God turned us into a community & for that, i am so grateful.

& yes, it does feel good to have a master's degree too!

it worked out really well that eastern university is very close to philly, where my brother benjamin & his girlfriend lindsay live, so we got to have a really lovely (& too short!) visit with them & cedar got to meet his fun aunt & uncle.

this picture is really special to me because i know that i owe a whole lot of this accomplishment to the faithful support of my parents. i also really wish that daniel could have been in this picture. (perhaps i should have photoshopped him in!) because the degree i'm (or actually my dad!) is holding has definitely been a team effort. it represents some academic work on my part, but it also represents so many dinners cooked for me, weekends & evenings without a computer or a wife to hang out with, lots of life details handled &also lots of encouragement on daniel's part.

& so, while i enjoyed the process, closing this chapter of my life has also come with a big sigh of relief. school work has been such a big part of my life here in cambodia & so i am excited to move forward to make the most of our time here - to pursue relationships, life & our work here more deeply & hopefully, also to take a lot more naps!

[bonus picture of cedar's first meeting with uncle ben & aunt lindsay]

great grandpa james [visit home part 2]

2011-05-10T21:31:00.000+07:00

our trip home was filled with gezellig moments, but one of the very best was introducing baby cedar james to his great-grandpa james, his namesake (along with his grandpa james too). my grandpa has 5 children, 13 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren & baby cedar was the only one he hadn't yet had a chance to hold as a little baby.

it was such a beautiful meeting.

it didn't arrive until a few weeks after we left, but here is my grandpa james with his "cedar james tree". its a white cedar tree that he planted so that he can watch the tree grow in his backyard, as cedar grows far away. then, when cedar comes home he will be able to see the tree that his great-grandpa planted for him when he was just a little baby.

the trip was also a great chance for cedar to be introduced to more of his family - great aunts & uncles & sweet cousins too!

akuun preh-a ung [visit home]

2011-05-08T21:11:00.000+07:00

last month the combination of my graduate school graduation, an ailing grandpa, a delta voucher & a good priced ticket meant that baby cedar & i made a last minute trip home. last minute as in i bought the ticket on monday & then flew halfway around the world on thursday! clicking "purchase" was exhilarating & then terrifying & i spent one nearly sleepless night fretting about making such a long-haul by myself with a three month old. what was i thinking?

but the next day, when i told ming kohm, our wonderful house helper & nanny, that i had bought the ticket, the first thing she said was akuun preh-a ung, which translates as "thank you, Lord".

[ming kohm]

not "thats crazy!" or "how will you travel alone with a baby?" or even "thats so much money!" (even though the ticket was more money than most cambodians make in five months). just a simple akuun preh-a ung.

& i took those words to heart.

i decided to recognize the whole trip for what it was - a precious gift - a cause for gratitude, not guilt or fear. akuun preh-a ung became my motto for this last minute trip & it turned out to be such a blessing in every way.

baby cedar was a totally amazing traveler, so smiley & hardly even crying throughout our 36 hour journey home & back (seriously, the seems like a minor miracle!). we got to have a number of lovely visits with dear friends & family, (on such short notice!), most especially with my grandpa. i got to celebrate my graduation with my family & classmates who traveled from so far. & we got to enjoy resting in being home in the comfort & the cold for a few joy-filled weeks.

akuun preh-a ung, indeed.

the trip was so wonderful that i think each segment deserves its own post. i'll begin with the fun of introducing cedar to my hometown in new york & to his friends & family there.

[reunited with grandma & grandpa & introduced to cool spring weather]

[mother's day lunch at java junction]

[meeting uncle seth!] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .[getting cozy with great aunt tracy]

[cedar's first WoW - wine on wednesdays]

[watching my brother seth's final tennis match of his college career]

[a tropical fish out of water]

[baby cedar enjoying his first taste of pajamas with feet, sweaters & fun american baby toys]

snapshots [april 2011]

2011-04-30T21:33:00.000+07:00

conquering the mekong

2011-04-29T09:54:00.002+07:00

we now interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you a tale of an adventure.

four men on a quest to conquer the mekong river in a homemade bamboo raft.

[the video is a bit long, but really, what adventure isn't a bit long in the end?]

Cooking Up Justice

2011-04-28T09:25:00.004+07:00

We don't work directly with World Vision here in Cambodia, but I thought this video was inspiring, with good shots of both Phnom Penh and the rural areas to give you a picture of Cambodian life.

(re) reminded

2011-04-24T23:37:00.001+07:00

[happy picture for a serious post]

this year easter really snuck up on me. i didn't engage fully in the preparation period of lent & woke up feeling (almost) too tired to even go to the easter morning service (our house church usually meets in the evenings & an early riser, i am not). but in the end, i am so thankful we chose to go.

although our little family is doing well personally, the past few weeks have been really hard for our communities at work, with friends here in cambodia & with loved one scattered around the globe. our spirits have been feeling heavy & heartbroken.

& so, while going to church didn't change any of the broken situations surrounding us, & i was so thankful to be (re) reminded that

this, is not the end.

all of it, & all of us are being redeemed. redeemed by the same Spirit that raised Christ, that brings life to the dead. the tomb was, & forever will be, empty.

& that is actually the only things that offers Solace & Hope in this broken, beautiful, & pain-filled world.

He is Risen, indeed!

dancing cedar [3 months]

2011-04-20T20:21:00.001+07:00

baby cedar on his 3-month birthday

people have said that at three months a baby's personality becomes more apparent.

well....little cedar remains largely a mystery to us, but here is what we do know about the little guy.

he likes riding in tuk tuks, sitting in his blue chair, looking at pictures in books & eating. he doesn't like being too hot, sleeping during the day (just like his dad!), or packing too many adventures into one day. he is a good traveler, he doesn't mind lots of different people holding him, but is happiest when he can see that his momma is in the room. in the past few weeks he's really learned how to cry, dramatic tears & all & can make his face turn beet red when he is upset. when that happens his face matches his hair.

gratitude [aunt karen]

2011-04-18T21:12:00.000+07:00

[no way! you heart bear hugs too?]

sunlit [2]

2011-04-15T21:58:00.000+07:00

snapshots [march 2011]

2011-04-12T00:00:00.001+07:00

dedicated

2011-04-10T21:36:00.000+07:00

one of the great things about being part of a small home church community here is that we are known & loved deeply & also very specifically. after we had cedar, daniel & i really wanted to have a baby dedication service. we wanted a chance to say publically, in front on our church community, that we are so thankful to God for baby cedar, that we lift him up & dedicate him to the Lord. and we also wanted a chance to acknowledge that we are insufficeint & unable to raise cedar on our own - we wanted to ask for help from the church, from this specific community that we are a part of here in phnom penh, but also from the greater body of believers that they represent - the global church, where we hope cedar will find love & community for his whole life.

although we're not a formal group & a baby dedication was unprecedented, our church did such a lovely job of making baby cedar's dedication personal & thoughtful. everyone wrote little prayers for cedar & put them in his very own cedar blessings jar & then we read this reading together.

A Reading of Dedication

Cedar James Talstra

Leader: Daniel and Amanda, God has given you the beautiful gift of a child.

A&D: We joyfully accept His gift.

Group: We join you in thanksgiving

Leader: This gift is also a great responsibility.

A&D: With God's grace, we accept this responsibility. We will depend on God to love Cedar unconditionally, to have patience with ourselves and with him, to care for him well, and to accept the help of our community.

Group: As your church community in Cambodia, we will help. We will happily hold Cedar, change diapers, read stories, and most of all have grace with you as you learn about caring for a child.

Leader: Jesus said: let the little children come to me. [Luke 18:16]

A&D: We commit to teaching Cedar about Jesus, and living in a way that demonstrate to him God's peace, compassion, generosity and service.

Group: On behalf of your future church and communities as Cedar grows, we will also provide Christ-like examples to Cedar.

Group: Daniel and Amanda, Don't you see that children are God's best gift; the fruit of the womb, His generous legacy? O, how blessed are you, parents! [Psalm 127:3-4]

A&D: We prayed for this child. And now we give you, Cedar, to the Lord.

Everyone: Amen!

gratitude [grandma]

2011-04-09T23:21:00.001+07:00

thanks grandma for the charming handmade clothes!

...even if the duck shirt did make me look a bit like cedar-ette.

(but a cute cedar-ette, at that)

sunlit

2011-04-08T21:52:00.000+07:00

gratitude [bibs!]

2011-04-05T17:31:00.000+07:00

[thanks to christina & jess for the hippest bibs on the block!]

gratitude [luke & lydia]

2011-04-02T14:43:00.000+07:00

[thanks luke & lydia for sending me the wonderful handmade moccasins all the way from halifax]

siesta

2011-03-30T18:44:00.000+07:00

one great thing about cambodia is their tradition of the lunchtime nap.

the lunch break here is two hours - leavings lots of time for eating & napping. before baby cedar joined us we used to work through the mid-day siesta, but now its fast becoming a family tradition.

gratitude [james & katherine]

2011-03-27T15:44:00.002+07:00

[thanks james & katherine for the beautiful + artful nikki mcclure book. my favorite picture is the momma & little boy with rain boats; i stare at it all the time!]

it takes a village.

2011-03-25T00:13:00.002+07:00

they (or at least hilary clinton & people in africa) say that it takes a village to raise a child.

i haven't raised a child yet, but i'm pretty sure that hilary clinton & all those people in africa are right. what i do know is that i am thankful for the 'village' that helped to raise my brothers & me.

my parents have a group of dear friends who gather for WoW (wine on wednesdays). the WoWers get together weekly to share snacks & wine & their lives. together these friends have celebrated births, grieved the loss of loved ones, rejoiced in weddings, beamed at graduations, encouraged each other during the tumultuous teen-age years, supported one another during the ups & the downs, & of course, shared many (many!) bottles of wine.

this village modeled community & has always made me feel loved. & now baby cedar is lucky enough to be part of the extension of that love. even from so far away, my 'village' hosted a shoWoWer where they celebrated with my parents (with wine, of course!), made handmade onesies for baby c., & gave him a peapod, which will allow him to travel all over the world & still sleep in the same bed.

thank you.

escape to the seaside [kep]

2011-03-23T01:01:00.002+07:00

while amanda's parents, jim & mary, were visiting we had the chance to escape phnom penh & explore a bit of cambodia. our first excursion was a long weekend at the seaside village of kep, one of our favorite cambodian getaways.

we stayed in bungalows, had leisurely breakfasts, played scrabble, took photos where we tried to look very serious & very cool, ate seafood, stared at the baby, napped in hammocks, walked by the ocean, went swimming, played more scrabble, stared at the baby some more...

& visited a mango & pepper farm!

gratitude [aunt tracy]

2011-03-20T23:43:00.001+07:00

thanks for the blankets & the beautiful homemade card, aunt tracy. i can't stop admiring how cute you made me look!

pi kae howie [2 months]

2011-03-20T12:10:00.001+07:00

[2 months]

gratitude [ming daphne & pooh ryan]

2011-03-18T23:00:00.001+07:00

thanks ming daphne & pooh ryan for the homemade cedar shirts

i love them (& you) already!

swings

2011-03-16T22:47:00.001+07:00

a friend asked me recently if baby cedar really is as calm as he looks from the pictures on our blog. the answer, most of the time, is yes. so far he seems to be an easy-going, relaxed baby, who is happy just to chill.

he's even begun greeting me for 2am feedings with big smiles.

BUT no one can be happy all the time & this little baby does seem to have a bewitching hour in the early evening. the sorrows of the world just overwhelm the little guy & he is inconsolable.

because of his timing, he's not really a very fun dinner party date.

but we like him anyway.

gratitude [meta]

2011-03-12T00:12:00.001+07:00

thanks for the bear & cutest owl outfit, meta!

[too much cuteness, seriously]

reminded [ashes]

2011-03-11T12:22:00.003+07:00

[Photo by Sean Gardner/Getty Images from steps of justice lenten post]

wednesday marked the beginning of the season of lent. truthfully, with all the busyness of life with a new baby & guests & returning to work, i forgot all about it. & so today i am thankful to be part of a community that reminds me. maybe thats the real purpose behind church anyway, to be reminding each other of the hope we have in the death & resurrection of christ, because during different hours, days, & seasons of life we're all bound to forget sometimes.

ashes.

today we remember our mortality, and thus our utter need for and dependence on God. we remember that we are of dust and to dust we will return. we remember our sins and our need for the forgiveness and renewal that comes in Christ.

a Franciscan blessing for today: (from the Relentless Acts of Justice Lenten Series)

May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen

gratitude [auntie jamie sue]

2011-03-10T00:14:00.001+07:00

thanks, auntie jamie sue!

[turtles, turtles, turtles]

tourist attraction

2011-03-08T18:48:00.000+07:00

[we had visited epic angkor wat before, but never with amanda's parents & the world's tiniest tourist attraction in tow!]

snapshots [february 2011]

2011-03-08T00:00:00.000+07:00

gratitude [auntie amanda joan]

2011-03-05T00:08:00.002+07:00

thanks for the soother, auntie amanda joan!

[it really does the trick]

gratitude [auntie christina & uncle lopez]

2011-03-03T22:55:00.002+07:00

[thanks auntie christina & uncle lopez for the sun hat & the cousin book - i'm working on learning autumn's picture already!]

[thanks also for the most charming diaper changing pad]

brunchin' & welcomin'

2011-03-01T22:00:00.000+07:00

[baby cedar's welcome home brunch]

gratitude [oma & opa & auntie nathania]

2011-02-28T11:05:00.001+07:00

thank you oma & opa for the most beautiful welcome-to-the-world flowers & auntie nathania for the delicious treats!

the littlest traveler [cedar moves to cambodia]

2011-02-25T23:45:00.003+07:00

as he grows, we're really hoping that baby cedar takes after his folks & develops a love for travel & also, hopefully for the journey.

[leaving bangkok & cedar's "halfway home house" with oma & auntie nathania]

[chilling at the airport]

his first test was the flight to cambodia at 12 days old & we were pleasantly surprised that our little guy made the big trip without batting an eyelash. he slept the entire time!

[sleeping the flight away]

perhaps it has something to do with the fact that during his 9 months in utero the little guy spent

5 months in Cambodia

1 month in Uganda

1 month in the USA

1 month in Canada

& 1 month in Thailand!

we're so happy to have baby c. home safe & sound & welcomed with such love by his community in phnom penh.

[cedar's beautiful welcome home signs from our MCC team & home church]

snapshots [january 2011]

2011-02-16T21:00:00.000+07:00

love.

2011-02-14T15:00:00.001+07:00

my valentines.

seasons

2011-02-12T22:20:00.005+07:00

[daniel & cedar 2011] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .[jack & daniel 1981]

cedar is born

2011-02-08T20:39:00.001+07:00

we arrived at the hospital as 2

& left as 3

& in between we witnessed a breathtaking miracle

...we are confronted everywhere with wonders; we see that the miraculous is not extraordinary but the common mode of existence. It is our daily bread. Whoever really has considered the lilies of the field or the birds of the air and pondered the improbability of their existence in this warm world within the cold and empty stellar distances will hardly balk at the turning of water into wine—which was, after all, a very small miracle.

-wendell berry

blue cup coffee [one week old!]

2011-01-27T21:00:00.000+07:00

[cedar celebrates his seventh day of life at blue cup coffee in bangkok]

ninemonthsinaminute

2011-01-23T15:36:00.003+07:00

[belly:baby]

[note: the video player may not work in internet explorer, but does work in firefox & chrome]

rooted [cedar james talstra]

2011-01-20T08:30:00.000+07:00

cedar james talstra

born january 20, 2011

3.6 kg [7.9 lbs]

52 cm [20.5 inches]

we chose this name for you, cedar james, because we want you to know that, although you were born in a far-away land, you have deep roots.

CEDAR: In the bible, the Cedars of Lebanon were used to build Solomon's temple. They were chosen for their mighty strength, to symbolize the Faithfulness of God. We want you to know that you are rooted in this faithfulness always. Cedar trees also grow in abundance in northern B.C., where your father grew up. It is a place of mountains & rivers & beauty. A place we love & where so many people love you.

JAMES: The book of James says that "Every good & perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17) You are this gift to us & we pray that your whole life will be rooted in the love of our God of heavenly lights, who does not change. James is also the name of your grandfather & great grandfather who live in western NY, where your mother grew up. They are two kind-hearted, generous, & admirable men & they represent a whole community of family & friends we love & who love you dearly.

You have deep roots, baby Cedar James, & we anticipate with joy watching you grow.

overheard

2011-01-10T18:11:00.001+07:00

amanda: (while getting out of bed) ugh, i feel a bit like a beached whale

daniel: i think of you more as a friendly giant

kirirom kamping part 2 [caption contest!]

2011-01-03T11:30:00.001+07:00

winner to be awarded the grand prize of becoming godparent to our child.

see contest rules for more information*

* Contest Rules: winning contestants must not be younger than 5, must not already hold positions of godparentliness, must not insult the judges with their captions, must be able to answer a skills testing question, must have the strength to fell a tree with a single swing of an axe, must have the compassion of an elderly blue whale, and must be able to make eggs benedict in under 13 minutes .

kirirom kamping

2010-12-31T13:49:00.002+07:00

they say sometimes a picture is worth a whole lot more than words.

[photo by steveamie]

blessed are those who mourn

2010-11-25T16:27:00.012+07:00

[photo by Justin Mott for The New York Times]

blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted - matthew 5:4

[Photo by AFP]

[Photo by Pha Lina, Phnom Penh Post]

tragedy has come to cambodia, a nation who is no stranger to grief. & today the country is grieving. & mourning. & struggling to comfort one another. & perhaps for many, reliving loss & trauma from decades long past. please pray, for the healing wings of God to comfort those who mourn in Cambodia today.

emma leslie, the director at the centre for peace & conflict studies here in phnom penh, shared these reflections today. its a long read, but i think it really touches the core of why exactly this tragedy has felt so raw & overwhelming in this city.

Reflecting on Cambodia’s National Day of Mourning

The Water Festival is a time of great celebration in Cambodia. It is always celebrated around November but the dates are dependent on the moon. Some say it’s a chance to honour the rivers which replenish the soil for the harvest. Others say it’s to honour the spirits which make the river miraculous change direction and flow in the other direction. Mostly it’s the time where the people from Cambodia’s countryside take over the capital! Phnom Penh is theirs. They sleep along the streets, they cheer on the boat of their district, they stay up all night and enjoy the myriad of free entertainment from fireworks to concerts and traditional dancing. It’s a grand celebration of life!

The development of a new island in the river, accessed through such a beautiful bridge decorated with a Naga snake, was this year such a focal point for the celebration. So many went to Diamond Island over the holiday period for the trade show, the fun park, the free concerts, the displays and because so many other people were there to see! Such a focal point of joy and happiness, amongst Cambodia’s rural poor.

And therein lies the tragedy. Those that died on the bridge on November 22 were hardly Cambodia’s wealthy. They were yet again the poorest of the poor. Garment factory workers, usually young women out for a good time. Sisters from a tiny village disobeying their mother and running to the capitol to join the fun. They were slum dwellers from a nearby slum soon to be demolished. They were moto-dop drivers, garbage collectors, market sellers, rice farmers. And now 395 such people lay dead in the height of the celebrations.

No doubt there will much discussion and debate by NGOs and human rights groups in weeks to come. How the government could have protected them. How safety standards are not enforced. But this is not the day for such recriminations. Today a prime minister weeps openly with his people, and the streets are silent. Outside every home, along every street, there are the traditional offerings, candles and incense for those who have passed. TV channels read the names of those who have died, replay the footage of that fateful night and update the death toll hour to hour.

It is hard to watch the images without comparing them to so many of the images long associated with Cambodia. It is not a publicity stunt that so many of those interviewed by the media, including Hun Sen’saddress to the nation, refer back to the Khmer Rouge years. Not since then has there been such a tragedy in our history, they say. One woman wept, I lost everyone to the Khmer Rouge, and now I lost my son in this stampede. Who will take care of me now?
Over the past decade the international community has tried hard to persuade Cambodia that an international tribunal was necessary to heal Cambodia’s past, to reconcile the nation, to bring closure. To date the tribunal has seemed an alien legal process, far the from reality of everyday lives and certainly not a mechanism for healing deep seated pains and loss.

But the events of the past few days have felt very different. In every restaurant, in every market, along the street – people go about their business slowly and silently. People watch tv screens in breakfast shops and cry openly. On Wednesday I watched a military truck slowly make its way down the Monivong, the main road through Phnom Penh, filled with coffins. As it past shops and houses, guards, pedestrians, passersby, all stood, almost to attention, to pay respect and honour those nameless corpses going by.

I drove past the hospital and found people giving out water to the many people camped out there trying to find their family members. A huge billboard displayed the unidentified people still indie the hospital, and people clamber over each other to see if they can find their own.
While this has been a deep and great tragedy for Cambodia, something else is going on here. This country has become united in its grief. People are coming together to put right, something which was very wrong. They are standing together to mourn their country people, fully aware that those who died were the least among them, and now deserve the highest honour for their tragic end. And of course all of us looking on wonder how they can bear more suffering, more grief and more pain.

The late Maha Ghosananda, Cambodia’s peace monk often chanted;

The suffering of Cambodia has been deep. From this suffering comes great Compassion.
Great Compassion makes a Peaceful Heart.
A peaceful Heart makes a Peaceful Person.
A Peaceful Person makes a Peaceful Community.
A Peaceful Community makes a Peaceful Nation.
And a Peaceful Nation makes a Peaceful World.
May all beings live in Happiness and Peace.

Perhaps Maha understood that it is the yoke Cambodians must bear on behalf of us all. People who come to Cambodia often comment of the smiles of the children, the happiness of the people. They marvel at the sense of fun, and joy in simple pleasures. They speak of the open hearted way Cambodians welcome them, embrace them and befriend them. Perhaps this is what Maha speaks of – the joy that is born of suffering. Perhaps Cambodia suffers so much so that compassion can be.

For the past 48 hours Cambodian television channels have received donations from around the country for the victims’ families and the injured survivors. No amount is too small to announce on the television recognising the contributions of even the poorest people. From this suffering comes great compassion.

One boy told of a man who saw him trapped under the feet of the people on the bridge. He bent down and lift the boy up and put him on his shoulders so he was above the crowd. Later the boy realised he was riding on the shoulders of a dead man. From this suffering comes great compassion.

What we learn through the events of the past few days is that sense of national identity and reconciled togetherness cannot come from outside. It comes from the shared suffering, losses histories and processes which people experience for themselves. In many South East Asian nations those shared histories are days of liberation, celebrating anti colonial struggles and the pride of self determination. Cambodia has no just day of celebration or national unity. Cambodia’s unity seems always to come through her suffering. Piles of shoes belonging to the deceased – in the Khmer Rouge years and again today. The mass graves of the Killing Fields, parallel to lines of bodies along the river bank of the past two days.

Today is Cambodia’s National Day of Mourning. Today, one after another Cambodians are laying flowers and burning incense at the fateful bridge. This is their time, where they stand together as a nation and grieve. This is not just grief for those who died in this incident. This is truly a National Day of Mourning for all the suffering they have endured. This is the time they rally and unite to put right something which went very wrong. This is their moment of national unity. This is the suffering they bear, from which compassion is born. As a prime minister weeps with his people, Maha’s words echo over this timeless land;

"Our journey for peace begins today and every day.
Each step is a prayer, each step is a meditation, each step will build a bridge."

Ironic, yet true. Cambodians will wipe their tears, and continue to build their nation, heal their hearts and show great compassion. Not just to each other, but to the world.

Emma Leslie Phnom Penh, November 25, 2010